Aunty, why is there such backbiting and hurtful relationships in the church?
26 May 2025 |
Dear Aunt Sevvy,
I am so discouraged by the backbiting and manipulative behavior of Adventists that I want to just get away from it all. You’ve been a part of this denomination longer than I have, Aunty—how do you survive?
I want to be a part of a loving Christian community. Does that even exist?
Signed, Disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
Aunty is sorry that you’re not having a happy, peaceful experience in your church.
Of course, what you’re describing isn’t peculiar to Adventists. There is conflict in all churches. It happened in the very first churches, as described by the apostle Paul in his letters.
What upsets us is that because of the standards Jesus set, we have been led to expect more from Christian people and Christian groups. We think more of us should be more like Jesus more of the time—and that’s not necessarily true. If anything, we’re harder on one another because we have high standards, which turns into criticism.
Managing criticism and conflict is difficult, and Aunty wishes that instead of constantly talking about the end times, we would spend more time learning how to nurture happy relationships. Many conflicts can be traced back to poor communication—especially when we communicate our disappointment to everyone except the people involved. Also, some of us are very sensitive, and Aunty wonders if perhaps we need to grow thicker emotional skin. Surely we should learn to criticize less, and respond to criticism in constructive ways that don’t make the rifts deeper.
But human beings are sinners, and the church will reflect our brokenness—even if we wish that weren’t the case.
That said, there are more and less happy church communities, and there is a time to cut your losses and find a happier place to be—and to do so without feeling guilty.
Aunt Sevvy
Aunt Sevvy has collected her answers into a book! You can get it from Amazon by clicking here.
You can write to Aunt Sevvy at DearAuntSevvy@gmail.com. Your real identity will never be revealed.
