SATIRE: Adventist Church Is a Great Place for Women, According to Old Male Leaders
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — General Conference leaders have voted to approve a statement praising the denomination as “a great place for women.”
The sea of mostly graying male delegates also affirmed the church’s repeated decision to deny females (over half of the global population of the church) the opportunity to serve as ordained ministers.
The leaders then pointed to all the wonderful opportunities for ministry that were available to women.
“Listen, if a woman wants to head up Women’s Ministries and there isn’t a male available to fill the role, I’m all for letting her take a stab at it,” said General Conference Session delegate Chauvi Nist. “Also, Potluck Ministries would not be where they are without our women putting their potential to full use.”
Nist also called for those campaigning for gender equality in Adventism to “fall in line and get their unity on.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
