Tenderly Caring for Our Wounded
By Allan Martin, July 30: In the aftermath of the General Conference Session in San Antonio, many young adults in the Adventist denomination are hurting, their faith wounded. The following short, practical article by a pastor was published by the denomination’s North American Division:
Let us tenderly care for our wounded.
Let us empathize and listen intently.
Let us not be so mesmerized by the mission beyond … that we neglect the mission within.
Let us do the mundane ministry, the ordinary ministry, the invisible ministry, the messy ministry.
Let us see those neglected and let our sight be our best expression of embrace.
Let us hear and let our attentiveness be our best expression of hope.
Let us come close and let our nearness be the touch of God.
Let us do unto others as we would have had them do unto us in our moment of need.
Here are five suggestions for pastors as they help Millennials and others process GC 2015:
- Actively listen and empathize. Initially, it is likely most important to hear their heart and allow them to voice their emotions and reactions.
- Avoid defending, fixing, excusing, or responding from your personal purview. Allow there to be some to focus on the member’s experience without lacing it with your own.
- Apologize. To whatever degree there has been negative and hurtful consequences, it is healing to know there is an acknowledgement of the hurt and a sincere request for forgiveness.
- Allow it to be messy. Permit members to process through their mix of feelings and reactions. Create a safe space for candor, while maintaining healthy conversation. This may take time and not resolve quickly.
- Access additional resources. For some this will feel traumatic, even debilitating. Be sure to have supportive resources that can go beyond your pastoral care (i.e. counseling and therapeutic referrals).
Dr. A. Allan Martin is the teaching pastor for the Young Generation Church young adult ministry of the Arlington Adventist Church in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas.
It seems the policy has been to “circle the wagons” and shoot into the circle. Members have become the enemy.
Why are we speaking about wounded in God’s church, Jesus is the joy of living and once He is the centre of the life, no matter what decisions are made that even if it goes against my expectations, I will not be wounded but I will still have a ” joy joy joy joy down in my heart to stay ” for Jesus is the centre of my life.
For persons who believe in God’s grace we tend to lack graciousness in settling our differences with each other. Since the WO vote in San Antonio I have been reminded often of our continuing need to be more gracious in losing and winning in listening and presenting our views. As this excellent approach in the article about dealing with our “wounded” suggests there is always time to learn how to be more gracious. There is a genuine art to the act of being gracious, and it’s a behavior that must be cultivated and expressed often, to see the positive results.
The dictionary defines gracious as; “being pleasantly kind, benevolent and courteous.” So, what are a few characteristics of graciousness?
1. Being gracious is someone who is humble and desires to praise others.
2. Someone who is gracious would never seek out to embarrass another person deliberately.
3. A gracious individual is quick to say ‘thank you’ for even the smallest gesture.
4. Listening to the other person more than talking about your views is a gracious characteristic.
5. Not “one upping” someone or being spiteful is considered being gracious.
6. A gracious person makes a point of paying attention to others.
7. Consciously being mindful to say what is appropriate is a gracious choice.
I know I need to be much more gracious.
Sam, may I copy this and share it? So well written!
Yes, Donna.
Thank you for your kind words. It’s good to know that these blogs are being read!
Sam
This is not about “winning and losing”. This is about truth vs. error. If people will not accept it for what it is, they will pontificate on and on about an issue they have no awareness of what it is really all about.
The vote was about various levels of church authority, and that’s all. The ordination issue was a side issue that created the necessity for the vote. There was no decision made about the right or wrong in the discussion on male headship vs. WO.
If you were for WO, you did not lose. If you were for male headship, you did not win. This was simply not the issue, and we need to quit trying to make the “who won, and who lost” about WO vs. male headship.
I appreciate Dr. Martin’s prescription. He is not only an excellent pastor, but also a clinical psychologist and a former Seminary professor (and current adjunct professor) of discipleship and family ministry.
Ellen White also had lots of good counsel about how to get along and help our wounded. See http://EqualOrdination.com/egw-how-to-share-truth/ For example:
“We must not think, ‘Well, we have all the truth.’… The truth is an advancing truth, and we must walk in the increasing light.” (Evangelism, p. 296)
“. . . our ways of looking at things vary. We judge differently. Our understanding of truth, our ideas in regard to the conduct of life, are not in all respects the same.” (Ministry of Healing, p. 483)
“We should have a spirit of progress. We must guard continually against being fixed in our views, feelings, and actions. The work of God is onward…. Energy, tempered with patience and ambition, and balanced by wisdom, is now needed by every Christian.” (Testimonies 3, p. 540)
“… unity … does not mean uniformity in everything. Unity in diversity is a principle that pervades the whole creation.” (Ellen White, SDA Bible Commentary, vol. 5, p. 1143)
“Let us love one another… Let us remember how forbearing and patient He was…. We should be in a wretched state if the God of heaven were like one of us, and treated us as we are inclined to treat one another.” (Review and Herald, 27 Aug. 1889, p. 530)
And many more helpful quotes at the web address cited…
I agree people should be nice about it but the people voted and the pro WO side lost the vote decidedly. I don’t know long that we should expect those who as the pastor said “are wounded” continue to feel wounded by the outcome that did not go theirway
Jude 1:
14 And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints,
15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him.
16 These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men’s persons in admiration because of advantage.
17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.
20 But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,
21 Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
22 And of some have compassion, making a difference:
23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.
24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
Some can be saved through compassion. Narcissistic spoilt children in most cases require the fear approach; deviant psychology 101.
So much of the wounding has come from unreasonable expectations. The WO vote was never in doubt as to its final tally. It was going to be a BIG “no” and it was. What has been painful to watch is the ignoring of the work of TOSC that did produce a consensus of allowing WO and a majority report that favored such. Out of not getting the results the president and others wanted they resort to another vote! The vote should have never been brought forth, but leadership wanted some muscle to reign in unions. Perhaps this leadership folly good will actually come as a groundswell of frustration has resulted.
The devastation of San Antonio goes far beyond the unusually close vote on July 8th. For the ensuing pain it is immaterial whether you perceive it as a vote on WO or on centralism and distrust towards the divisions (technically it was the latter, of course). But there were many other issues contributing to the world wide hurt and pain… Please remember:
– The distribution of gender and age groups among delegates
– The disaster of the voting devices, with clear hints of intentional boycotting and/or sabotage
– The undemocratic denial of secret balloting
– The referral back to committees which was denied
– The statement of FBs 6 and 8 going beyond Biblical wording
– The booing of a former GC president who was calling for more trust
– The uplifting of “select” independent ministries who publicly demonize anybody who believes that women can take leadership positions
The list could go on for quite a while. What I am suggesting – the “what” is not everything in this case that lead to those still ongoing shock-waves. The “how” played a major part as well. Nobody should be surprised that many feel marginalized, excluded, deeply hurt, misunderstood, misrepresented as result (no matter where you stand on the issues). Therefore – if anything is to be salvaged, we indeed need to tenderly care for the wounded.
You raise some troubling questions, Andreas. I hope there are other reasons for these; incompetency is better than planned.
This is why my husband was never interested in joining the church; not that he doesn’t believe, but he doesn’t trust “man made organizations” and there doesn’t appear to be any reason this one is different in its infrastructure. Christ’s real remnant is a movement and is invisible–not an institution.
(You probably don’t remember me from Maryland, but hope is well with you.)
It seems that it has to do with pride and progressiveness within the Adventist church. It doesn’t matter who gives the Gospel, for we are all diciples of Christ, and therefore are all obligated to preach the 3 Angels messages. The church divides itself within and will not stand, and whoever thinks that the remnant is only in the Adventist church better check again. There will be more so called Adventist lost who know the truth but don’t practice it’s truths. For Scripture tells us SHEEP & GOATS
MATT 25;33 AND HE SHALL SET THE SHEEP ON THE RIGHT,
BUT THE GOATS ON THE LEFT.
ECC 10;2
THE HEART OF THE WISE INCLINES TO THE RIGHT,
BUT THE HEART OF THE FOOL TO THE LEFT
talking about the progressives and conservatives. Don’t be wise in your own eyes, but look to Jesus. God could call on all His Angels and rocks to speak. Why do we argue about ordination of women then?
Andreas Bochman wrote earlier:
“Please remember:
– The distribution of gender and age groups among delegates
– The disaster of the voting devices, with clear hints of intentional boycotting and/or sabotage
– The undemocratic denial of secret balloting
– The referral back to committees which was denied
– The statement of FBs 6 and 8 going beyond Biblical wording
– The booing of a former GC president who was calling for more trust
– The uplifting of “select” independent ministries who publicly demonize anybody who believes that women can take leadership positions”
This is NOT the voice of God on this earth or the revelation of His will for the church. You have written an excellent, succinct, and concise review of the things that transpired in San Antonio. Was God’s character revealed by ANY of these actions in San Antonio? Does this justify an expenditure of time and resources? My simple solution is to MOVE the General Conference to any place but in the NAD.
I have several suggestions, should anyone be interested. Since our fellow believers who were delegates at SA find much affinity with the GC, there are three places that come to mind. Transfer the GC to either of these countries in Africa, PLEASE! Chad, Sudan, or Kenya. The sooner the better. NAD doesn’t deserve it!
“Transfer the GC to either of these countries in Africa….” I think that’s an excellent idea. I’ve been wondering if American politics hasn’t been rubbing off on the GC leadership.
I fully believe that a major implosion is at work right now in the SDA church. It is unstoppable as Holy Ya is allowing it as judgment for what the rotten leaders have brought on themselves by trying to be so liberal, modernistic and P.C. , politically correct when what they abandoned long ago is B.C., being Biblically correct on far too many issues. Puffy and in need of nothing has been their attitude. You can pray ten times per day as a group but if you reject the Word then the prayers are all an exercise in futility. It will only go down hill from here despite if there were even numbers in church growth which is not likely after the WO no vote at GC in S.A. But remember that weeds spread seeds so even growth is not the true sign that God is endorsing it. The Catholic Church has grown over time to over a billion members. It’s time to realize everybody that Christ’s true church is not behind four walls but made up of individuals lead by Elohim’s spirit of truth. Stop paying your money to the polluted GC outfit and instead give to worthy independent ministries who are truly preaching boldly the warning of Revelation chapters 13 and 17. Fear God and obey Him for the hour of His judgment has come! Modern day SDA has watered down fear to just mean respect. So when Jesus told the disciples “fear not it is I” according to SDA false prophets He was simply saying “respect not it is I.” Those not ready to meet Him will be full of real Fear crying for the rocks to fall on them…
Earl, Talk about wounded. You sound wounded big time. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face and the things of this earth will look strangely dim in the light if His glory and grace. In eternity this WO issue will be insignificant. In fact, forgotten.
Dear Mr Geli
Sir, your call to move the GC to one of these African countries is clearly intended to belittle those in this part of the world. This brings to mind the Bible account of how some said: “What good can come out of Nazareth?”
Brother Hammond, you claimed
“Sir, your call to move the GC to one of these African countries is clearly intended to belittle those in this part of the world…”
My response,
“A text without it’s context is a pretext”
The context of my suggestion was after the repeated suggestions have been made that NAD was “misguided” and often serves as a “bully to other divisions” and that the world field was hindered somehow by the “undue attention and preference” that NAD was exerting. Why not allow the GC to be somewhere else for a change and then it could send us missionaries and much needed funding to the “mission field” of where the 7% of the Adventist membership resides. I did not “belittle” anyone by suggesting alternate locations to host our world church headquarters. Any belittlement is in your mind, your reaction, and in your own fantasy.
Why do so many (both sides) wish to clump us all into their definition of NAD by default? The vast majority of us do not fit within such context; we belong to the Body, just as NAD does. Does this not belittle US? Do we need or want such individual opinions, ideologies, classifications or representation? Can the majority not represent itself?
I think we will just stick with GOD and HIS Plan.
This goes for all sides of this argument. If you are paid by HIM, I would strongly suggest you go work for HIM; before HE decides HE no longer needs you.
If the faith of the GYC has been wounded by San Antonio, there is something wrong with their faith. Faith is about the Virgin birth, atoning death, and resurrection of Christ.
Some of the WO advocates that I encountered were just short of outright liars and certainly miserable students of Scripture and EGW. They would have done better arguing their position from a humanist standpoint and leaving Scripture and EGW out of the issue.
Nothing in Scripture forbids a 300 pound pastor or one with soup stains on his tie from week to week but that’s not the kind of person I want for a pastor. A pastor may be needed by people young in the faith but nowadays, we have professional counselors and members with decades of experience. Most sermons are comprised of hot air and nonsense, so the weekly sermon doesn’t accomplish much. Some churches do quite well without a “professional” clergy.
In EGW’s day, she complained about “hovering” pastors who did more harm than good to their congregations. These days, “hovering” is the norm and pastors who try otherwise might be unemployed.
“Leadership” in Nazi concentration camps among the Jews sprung from unexpected corners of the community. When the time for real leadership is revealed, we will know who they are. Meanwhile, let the poseurs have their insurance including medical, dental, and eyeglasses, pension, educational benefits, book allowance, and so forth.
If you need to be “led” by pastors, men or women, YOU are…
the problem
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