SATIRE: Seating Charts Made Official at Adventist Churches
ADVENTIST WORLD — For the first time in Adventist history, churches will feature official seating charts.
Each member will have an assigned seat, and visitors will be seated at the very front of the sanctuary where the entire congregation can keep an eye on them.
General Conference Director of Church Rigidity Mas Reglas pushed back on complaints that seating charts were an unnecessary intrusion into church life.
“Our churches have had unofficial seating charts from as long back as I can remember,” said Reglas. “Members can get super-territorial about where they sit. So we just decided to make things official.”
Reglas explained that all congregations will be required to print their seating charts on the back of their church bulletins.
He directed churches to select their biggest deacon to act as the “Sabbath Bouncer” in case anyone disobeyed the chart.
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
