SATIRE: Larger Foliage to Cover All Adventist Adam & Eve Art
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — A 12-month effort to overhaul Adventist Adam and Eve art begins this week due to what church leaders are calling “pervasive foliage insufficiency.” In addition to far stricter artistic guidance for future representations of pre-Fall Adam and Eve, all existing art that is displayed on Adventist screens, online or in printed material, will be modified.
“Simply put, there is way too much skin in Garden of Eden art,” said General Conference Director of Reversals Drew Barrister. “We have instructed our highly talented and international team of artists to drastically increase the size and abundance of garden foliage to enhance the modesty of our Adam and Eve art.”
Barrister also mentioned that in meadow scenes where large leaves won’t work, Adam and Eve will be barely visible due to “entire prides of friendly Simba-style lions and flapping, big-winged parrots.”
“Ironically, our stock imagery means that we are flashing steamy illustrations to depict life without sin,” states a General Conference memo circulated to ministerial staff worldwide. “This is simply unacceptable, and we will be relentless in the effort to beef up foliage and wildlife density in Adventist art internationally.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
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