A Word For 2013
by Kendra Perry
May I be a little personal? It’s risky here, in this space where we’re known for our ideas and where even personal stories have the blistering tendency to become platforms for discussion of capital I Issues. But I think I’d like to share a bit of my journey here, invite you into a space that isn’t all pulpit or classroom or forum but rather something more like living room or dining room. So here’s my welcome mat; please respect the space in the same way you would my home.
2012 was a good year for our family in many ways. We moved across the country to a wonderful new home and began a new life there. We began new jobs, renewed our connections with each other, and enjoyed the natural beauty surrounding us.
2012 was also a harrowing year in many ways. Extended disability, joblessness, and the aftermath of caregiving for a family member who died of cancer in our home in the waning hours of 2011 all took their financial and emotional toll. Plus, a cross-country move, no matter how wonderful and needed, is not the easiest undertaking.
For me, 2012 included a look at the depths of my soul. Of course, predictably, what I found there was not pretty. Frightening, in fact. Terrifying. Very much like looking at the cross and finding myself as one of the crucifiers (which of course we say and sing blithely all the time but rarely experience in any visceral way) and completely unable to stop myself.
And whether the bad brain chemistry of depression came first or the post-concussion syndrome, they both combined with the horrifying revelation of my worst self to send me to the hospital for several days.[1] So little (yet so much, such important things) stood in the way of me being, quite literally, Judas: betrayer of my Lord, my brethren, and myself.
Here is what I have learned through the ups and downs of my 2012: too often, it is in the collisions of our fears and our accusations that we hurt one another. Satan truly is The Accuser (Revelation 12:10), and he is eager to help us accuse one another of what we most fear. He is eager to use our fears to drive us away from Christ and into the arms of…. well, anything else, really. It doesn’t particularly matter what.
The destinations are likely as varied as the people reading. If you are brutally honest with yourself, you know where you head when anxiety starts to gnaw at your heart. It might be to the gossipy conversation, the snarky superior comment, the refrigerator, the bottle of alcohol, the soothing interaction with that attractive person, the angry outburst, even work, or the activity at church that keeps you feeling more holy than the person next to you.
Here is another thing I learned in 2012 (am still learning): that “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). I don’t need to search in those too-familiar haunts for the things that will squelch my fear — as if they ever really did, anyway. What I need is contact with Perfect Love.
And Who is Perfect Love? “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jeremiah 31:3). If we can get this piece right, we’ll be able to truly love the Lord our God with all our heart and soul and mind (Matthew 22:37). "We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).
Here’s how Brennan Manning puts it in his book Abba’s Child:
Living in awareness of our belovedness is the axis around which the Christian life revolves. Being the beloved is our identity, the core of our existence. It is not merely a lofty thought, an inspiring idea, or one name among many. It is the name by which God knows us and the way He relates to us. (ch. 3)
Then, and only then, can we really fulfill all the commandments by loving our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). If we skip this step, the love we give our brothers and sisters is, too often, impoverished. Our version of love instead of His. Easy love, instead of deep. Love shot through with the jagged edges of our fears and accusations, on which we wound each other again.
But firmly rooted in our true identity, we will be able to reach out to others with love that is patient and kind, does not envy or boast, is not self-seeking, does not delight in evil but rejoices (such rejoicing!) with the truth. Love that always, always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-6). We will be able to love with His heart.
Because of what I learned in 2012, and what I want to remind myself to keep learning daily, I have a word for 2013. It’s my first ever Word of the Year! My word is Beloved. I invite you to consider joining me in making it your word (or one of your words) for the year…… as in
I am beloved
You are beloved
He is beloved
She is beloved
We are beloved
They are beloved
And may His Perfect Love cast out those fears that separate us from each other and from Him.
In Jesus’ Name.
[1]
Thanks, for sharing. I so much need to be reminded that we are beloved and interpret in a personal way (I am beloved). I encountered the Gospel (of grace) many years ago, but I still struggle with the legalistic perspective I absorbed so thoroughly in my childhood and youth. The sense of failure to meet expectations of church, family, and God can so easily trap us in a rebellious self dependence. When I can trust that I am beloved then it gives me the confidence to claim Jesus as my righteousness.
Thanks for the word for 2013. I look forward to year when fear is cast out by God's perfect love and wish the same for everyone else who struggles with capital I issues.
Happy 2013 everyone!!! We are beloved – thanks for sharing Kendra.
My highly recommended researcher/author is Brene’ Brown, PhD. from Houston, Tx. Her book “The Gift of Imperfection” and others dealing with guilt, shame,disconnection is life-changing and dovetails beautifully with the Gospel of Grace. See what you think.
Kendra,
Thank you for taking the risk and being so open with us. My heart goes out to you in sympathy for all you've been through. For nearly two years my wife has been the primary care provider for her father in our home as he declines with advancing Parkinson's Disease, so I see firsthand the physical and emotional toll such devotion takes on a person. I can only imagine how long it may take someone to deal with their grief after bearing such a burden. Add the other things you mentioned and I praise God that you have discovered new dimensions of His ability to sustain us amid our trials and bring us through. He has given you a painful but rich experience that has now equipped you to sympathize and minister His love to those you meet who are travelling that road. So it would be a blessing to me if at some point in the future you could share how God draws on this experience you have described to enable you to uplift in their trials others and direct their attention to Him.
Kendra Perry, our Lord God Jesus has called you with His Spirit, and you have blessed us with yours.
He says, I have loved you with an everlasting love. Though you walk through the dark valleys, I am with you. I have shed my blood for you. If only you of all needed uplifting, i did it for you. I can't and won't give you up, for you my darling Kendra, are my beloved. Always walk with my Spirit, Kendra, whispering to your heart, I love you. Trust me.
Sounds like a rough year. I pray you will feel Gods presence and His comfort in this next year as we near the end of time on this rock we call earth. Toil, hardship and grief pester us all the time. I love looking forward to the day Jesus comes and puts an end to all troubles. In the end may we all Praise God for bringing us through as only He can do.
Kendra,
Your words "when anxiety knaws at your heart" is so descriptive. I feel that now and pray for it to cease. It's worse than pain. A relative is seriously ill. Much of his life he was irresponsible, he grew up with an unstable step-mother; he broke my parents hearts when they reached out to him, and then abandoned at least two children. He did not call for long periods.
In recent years I have been in contact and saw him become fragile and yet avoid seeking help. Then a year and a half ago, a doctor said he needed heart surgery. He denies the seriousness of his condition and is getting worse; My husband and I have been getting him food and other things. We try to work with him to help with legal issues, but he will not cooperate seeing us as controlling him.(He lives in fear of an estranged wife taking his small savings.) Ten days ago he got a blood transfusion, felt cocky, and told us he didn't need help even with food. We fear he has not long to live. His only other contact is with another troubled Vietnam vet who sometimes takes him to appointments–if he decides to keep them. Talking about God brings little response.
I wonder is this how many of us treat the God who loves us? How it must hurt Him when He is trying to help us and save us. Most of us just want to be in control.
I sit at the bedside of my 92 year old mother, waiting for her last breath, praying for it. But often the answer is, wait. She as you is beloved, and a light burden. She just asked me, "Is today Sabbath.?" and thankfully it is, a day with time to just be with her, and read your blog. Joy comes in the morning. Yea though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death….comfort happens, Beloved, comfort happens.
Jack,
My heart is with you as you care for your mother. My wife and I have helped care for three parents in their later years as their health declined. Now we are caring for her 84 year-old father in our home. He is bedbound from advancing Parkinson's Disease. We know the end is coming and the pain that will bring us. As much as we love him, we find ourselves having more frequent conversations about what we will do when he is gone that we are not able to do because of the need to care for him. It is such a bitter-sweet dilemma!
His mind is still sharp but his hearing is not what is used to be and he complains that his hearing aids don't work. Last evening I was trying to get my wife out of the house for a couple hours to give her a break and to spend some time together as a couple. Our daughter would be there to care for him. I said something about us needing to go and he did not understand. So I raised my voice a bit and asked: "Mr. Hendricks, may I have the honor of taking your daughter out on a date for a couple hours?" We all got a good laugh. Of such are the moments that keep us celebrating the present in spite of the burden we bear.
Warm wishes and peace to you all.
Thank you for sharing, Kendra. You set priorities straight. It is not just that we are commanded to love others as we love ourselves. Our modern "love" for ourselves is often self-indulgent and self-destructive, a poor and shallow metric for loving others. We shy away from loving others in ways that may be painful for us to bear. The first commandment is to love God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our mind. Jesus said, "Love one another; just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples." Loving our neighbor as ourselves is not a free floating abstraction. Only as our love for God is all-consuming can we understand His love for us in a way that will enable to love our neighbors as ourselves. I don't think the two great commandments are separable.
God's love in action, as we perceive it, doesn't always feel good. But knowing by faith and by experience how much we are loved by Him – in our want, in our pain, and in our need – frees us to a mature love for others that is more of a loving, reassuring presence in their lives than a transient philanthropic, guilt-allaying fulfillment of need and satiation of want.
It's a great word for 2013. Blessings, and thanks for sharing.
Kendra, thank you for honesty, I find that is a rare gift. Often we hide our reality. I have found great blessing in a Facebook blog for women,. Finding this blog SheLovesMagazine in the middle of the year, I only read about their personal word for the year and did not have one of my own. I chose “courage” to be my word for 2013. But, as I wrote on New Year’s day about 2012, I discovered that “courage” had been my word for last year, I just wasn’t consciously aware of it. That left me with no word for 2013. As I asked God about it He gave me clearly, “let go”, yes, it is two words, but is from Him. And in the short time since 2013 began, God has walked me into so much “letting go”. As I let go, there is a void that will be filled, maybe not immediately but it will at some time. As a result, the flip side of “let go” is “seek & find”. I am amazed at the journey He has lead me on in the first few days of 2013. Let go of fear, seek & find trust in God alone. In Ephesians 4:31 – let go of bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Seek and find being kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. There has been so many more! I am so excited to see how this year unfolds as God leads me with these words. I am praying that your word “beloved” is a rich blessing throughout the whole year.